


Cleanliness or Cleanness

by CellarDoors



Category: Merlin (TV) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-12
Updated: 2013-01-12
Packaged: 2017-11-25 03:57:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/634869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CellarDoors/pseuds/CellarDoors
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Colin attempts to right a wrong, and finds that sometimes it's easier said than done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cleanliness or Cleanness

**Cleanliness or Cleanness**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Colin Morgan or Bradley James.  They are each their own persons and no offence is intended.

**Author’s N:** This is my first tentative tip-toing into this fandom, so approach with caution!  Don’t ask me where the title came from…   My many thanks to **Mrs_Leary** for beta’ing this piece for me! 

{I}<>{I}

"I don't understand," Murmurs Angel as they enter the flat: taking in the spic-spanness of it.  Colin simply gives her a look over his shoulder and moves further into the flat, his eyes searching out for something... even if he's not sure quite what at the moment.

The flat does not look like Bradley James' flat should look.  It is tidy, for starters.  Not that Bradley - despite preconceptions of the public - is a slob by any means of the word... but this level of cleanliness is definitely not a usual, normal trait of the blonde.  The scent of lemon disinfectant is heady, and though one of the windows is slightly open, the flat is unusually warm.  Problem two... Bradley doesn't like to be overwarm - a fact Colin knows after arguing with the blonde about the heating several times in the past.

The keys that Colin had ‘borrowed’ from Anthony – given to him by Bradley apparently in case of ‘emergencies’ – are stuffed into Colin’s left pocket, as he turns to Eoin with a concerned frown on his face.  "How long has this been going on for?" He asks with a soft murmur and Eoin shrugs, turning his eyes away from Colin to look about the flat.

"Not sure.  I came over about two weeks ago and it wasn't quite this bad but nearly there."

Colin tries not to look chastened at not being told sooner, but bites back the words on his tongue, because truly it isn't Eoin's fault... and if it weren't for Eoin, then Colin wouldn’t' know how bad this had gotten.

"Can someone please explain to me what the hell you two are talking about?" Angel asks, and Colin doesn't miss the glance aimed at him.  No matter what she says, Angel is no innocent, and he is more than aware that she is pretty clued into the lives of her friends off-set.  What he does worry about, however, is what she has heard about Bradley; especially considering how many theories there apparently are out there.  He sighs softly and walks a little further into the flat; somewhat bravely, and wonders where his friend is. For wherever Bradley is, it is not here.  For one thing, his friend is intensely jealous of his personal space; despite how much of a buffoon he can be around other people.  Colin supposes it makes sense; they have so little to themselves, the blonde has every right to keep his flat as a private thing.  But if he were here, then Bradley surely would have  appeared by now, most likely either ordering them out or tolerating them until they disappeared.  ... Unless - Colin quickly squashes that dark thought, and turns to Angel, who still seems to be waiting for a response.

"I'll explain later." he promises. "After we find Bradley."

"Remind me," Angel insists.  "Why we need to 'find' Bradley to begin with?" 

Colin sighs heavily, and glances at Eoin.  Honestly, if he's being really and truly honest with himself, he should have told Angel this some months ago.  But he's a coward; which has only been proven throughout the last year.  He wonders though, whether he has the right to inform Angel of everything - after all, this involves Bradley too.  If it didn't, then they wouldn't be standing here, having this conversation, in Bradley James' flat, without the man even being there.

"It's not my place." he says finally, and hears a slight snort from Eoin, who gives him a raised eyebrow when he turns to face him.  "Yes? Something amusing you?" he asks, his accent growing a little thicker in his annoyance.  He is starting to wonder why bringing Eoin with him was such a good idea in the first place, and remembers his original thoughts having something to do with _needing courage_.  Huh.  In future, Colin thinks he should probably rethink such things.

"Just wondering; why now." Eoin shrugs. "Not like you've let Bradley decide anything so far... so why now."  That stings, and Colin winces a bit, but glares back heatedly.  It isn't exactly as though Eoin can talk.  He glances over at Angel who looks - if possible - even more bewildered and ever so slightly suspicious.  The Irishman takes a soft breath, and shrugs quietly.

"It’s not my place." he repeats firmly, eyes turning back to Eoin.  "Yours neither."

“And yet somehow you’re both in my flat.” A dry voice interrupts, and Colin’s head whips around so quickly he almost feels a little sick.  There is Bradley; standing in the door of what Colin knows leads to the bedroom, looking… well, _normal_. Colin’s mouth falls open in surprise and he stutters for a moment, watching Bradley fold his arms, still quietly watching them.

“Bradley…”  Eoin starts, but one glare from Bradley and he falters, staring at the floor before speaking again, quietly.  “We… were worried.” He finishes inadequately, and Colin bites his lip, waiting for the explosion, knowing Bradley doesn’t like to be fussed over; certainly doesn’t like his personal space invaded as they have invaded his flat.

“How considerate of you all.” Bradley’s voice is as chilled as snow, and Colin dares a look up at him, grateful to see the man’s expression isn’t quite as frosty as his words.  He swallows, opening his mouth to speak when Bradley beats him to it.  “I assure you I’m quite well.  I’d thank you to leave my home.”  That stings a bit, though the blonde has every right to order them out – hell, they should have never come, Colin belatedly thinks.  After everything, it is Colin who has stepped out of line once again.  If anything, he should have sent Angel and Katie… but then that might be more people than Bradley would want knowing.

“Bradley-“Angel pipes up again, and Colin risks a look at her.  She looks totally confused, and more than a little irritated… Colin can hardly blame her.  “What on earth is going on?”  She pulls away from Colin and Eoin where they seem to have shrunk into the doorway a bit, and moves over to Bradley, her eyes filled with concern. “Are you all right?” Bradley’s arms drop slightly at her words, and he takes a slow breath, before turning to her and giving her a tiny, almost normal smile.

“I’ll be better when these two leave.” He states quietly, and she frowns at that.  “I’ll explain,” he promises, and rests a hand on her shoulder briefly before turning to Colin and Eoin.  “I believe I asked you two to leave.  Now please do..”  Colin’s mouth drops further open if possible; and he stares at the man he thought he knew.  It isn’t like Bradley to be so inhospitable, but then, Colin and Eoin have hardly earned a status as welcome guests of late.  It makes Colin a little nostalgic for the way things used to be.

“All right, Bradley…” He states quietly, and sees a flicker of gratefulness cross the handsome man’s features before it is gone just as quickly. “All right.” He turns to Eoin who looks more than a little unhappy.  “We’re not welcomed here… we should go.”

“But Bradley...“ Eoin starts, when Angel interrupts.

“Is fine with me.  I’ll call you both later, if that’ll do you.” She offers softly, and Colin gives her a quick smile of thanks.  He glances over at Bradley, and feels the desperate urge to _hug_ the man, who seems so different from the person Colin knows so very well, but squishes that instinct, knowing it will likely not be appreciated.

“Take care, Bradley.” He says with a tiny smile, and Bradley stiffly nods.  With nothing else to say, Colin presses a hand to Eoin’s shoulder and steers him from the flat, closing the door with a strange finality behind him.

“Well… that could have gone worse.”  Eoin glances over at him, and Colin can feel the weight of the other man’s gaze on him, but can’t quite look at him… not just yet.  After all, as selfish as it sounds, Eoin is part of the reason they are where they are right now.  He takes a slow breath, and squares his shoulders.  “Are you okay?” The other man pursues, and Colin shrugs.

“It’s not me I’m worried about.”

“Well it’s you that _I’m_ worried about.”  Who Colin means is quite clear, but apparently Eoin isn’t quite ready to relinquish this conversation just yet.

“I will be.  One day.”

“Right.”

Colin frowns, somewhat annoyed the calmness of Eoin’s words, as though Eoin should be upset as him… and in some ways, Colin thinks he _should_. “Look, just leave it?” 

“Mnn.  Okay. Sorry.” But he doesn’t sound all that sorry.  “… So can I stay with you?”  Colin’s head whips round at that, and his eyes widen, then narrow as he steps away from Eoin a little, shocked at the bluntness of the other man’s words.  Eoin shuffles slightly, and shrugs, somewhat self-consciously.  “We’re okay, right?  So … why not?”

“Why not?”  Colin gives a half strangled laugh, and wonders whether Eoin was just witness to the same things that Colin.  Even now his mind is back with Bradley, grateful that Angel is there so that hopefully she can calm Bradley’s tendency to over-clean when he’s upset and stressed, as Colin knows all too well the blonde _will_ do if he’s left alone to it.  It’s then and there that Colin realises what he really thinks he should have known for quite a long time now, only he’s been too enamoured with Eoin to think too much about it.  Turning back to Eoin, the man gives his friend a soft smile, and doesn’t miss the startled look that Eoin gives him back.  He hopes one day they can sit and talk about this properly, but right now there is someplace that Colin needs to be… someone that he needs to reassure and hold.

“Mate… Are you alright?”  Eoin sounds very uncertain, and Colin smiles a little more.  _Mate.  Yes._   That sounds about right… it sums up nicely what they are, despite everything.  Eoin is a good mate, and nothing more.  Bradley, though… Bradley could become so much more, if only Colin stop being such an idiot and ruining it.  If only Bradley will _let_ him.

He gives Eoin another smile, and nods. “Sorry, just thinking…” he pauses. “I need to go back in… talk to Bradley.”

“But he told us…”

“I know.  But I _need_ to talk to him,” There’s no way Colin can explain it, but a sort of wistful look has come into Eoin’s eyes, and Colin thinks that maybe he won’t have to, after all.  “I’m sorry.” He murmurs, because he really is.  If he hadn’t already met Bradley before all this started, then it could have been somewhat perfect… but there _is_ Bradley, and Colin can’t imagine losing him… assuming, of course, that Bradley will even take him back.  Eoin is shaking his head, and presses a hand gently against Colin’s shoulder.

“Don’t be sorry. Be happy.  Go, if that makes you happy.  I hope it works out.” He says softly, and the Irishman smiles a little, grateful his friend isn’t bitter or too upset.  He mouths a ‘thank you’ and turns back towards the door, feeling very nervous as he walks the few steps back to the door of Bradley’s apartment, and just hopes that the blonde will let him in, let alone talk to him. 

{I}

It is Angel who opens the door, looking pale and stressed, causing Colin’s stomach to roll with guilt.  He bites his lip at the furious look on her face, and wedges a foot in the door before she can close it on him, as he has no doubt she wants to.  “Please.” He murmurs, and she regards him coolly for a moment before sighing and letting him in.  Colin steps into the apartment with a thankful smile, but the smile slips as his nose catches the pungent smell of disinfectant.  _Oh_.  He glances at Angel, who shakes her head in response, and moves further into the flat.  “Bradley?” he calls out softly, his ears eventually picking up the sound of a scrubber brush moving quickly over something.  _Ah_.  He moves through the flat and just about hesitates as he reaches what he knows is Bradley’s room, before stepping through the threshold. 

Bradley is knelt on the floor, a bucket of suds-filled water at his side, working a scrubbing brush against the floor with much harsher movement than is necessary.  His sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, and he has changed into a pair of grey jeans.  The muscles in his arms are flexing just a little as he works the brush, and Colin admits with some shame that he finds the scene before him… a little hot.  After all, it is Bradley, and Bradley has always managed to do strange things to Colin in the past. 

He shakes himself out of that thought, and swallows before toeing off his shoes, wishing he’d thought to leave them at the door.  When Bradley is like this, something simple like keeping shoes on can be enough to upset him.  And right now, that’s the last thing Colin wants to do.  He shuffles over in his –thankfully clean – socks, and kneels next to the blonde, careful to avoid the bucket of suds.  “Bradley.” He murmurs softly, and despite how quiet his voice is, Bradley jumps and tenses, before his head whips around, his eyes locking with Colin’s.  They stare at each other for a full two minutes before the blonde swallows and breaks eye-contact, standing up and dropping the brush back into the water, his hand shaking a little as he does.

“Thought I told you to go.”

“You should know I never listen to you.” Colin murmurs softly, concerned by the rawness of the other man’s hands.  He bites his lip, feeling guilty, and hesitates. “Bradley…” He trials off, unsure what to say, swallowing briefly before trying again. “I fucked up.” He murmurs. “Really, really fucked up.”

“Yeah?”  Bradley’s voice is strangely unemotional.

“Yeah… I was an absolute git to you, and you don’t deserve it.” He bites his lip, realising how ineffectual his words are as Bradley just stares at him.  “Can we just… can I stay here tonight?” He blurts out, and then winces, wondering if he’ll get kicked out or laughed at.  Bradley just keeps on staring, and Colin swallows nervously, taking a hesitant breath. “Bradley?”

“You really think I’m that easy?”  The blonde’s voice is bitter, and as he stands up, he glares down a little at Colin.  “You apologise, and expect to – what?  Make me your lover? Your sex toy? Your play thing? Your bit on the side?” He laughs a little, and Colin shudders at the lack of warmth in it.  “I’m not a plaything, Colin.  I have feelings. Even if I don’t always show them, I most certainly have them.”

“Bradley-“

“I’m talking right now.”  Bradley’s voice is firm, and Colin shuts up, more from the surprise of hearing the man talk in such a way.  Bradley has always been pretty open and honest _-_ and yes, sometimes an annoying persistent bastard, but even this is a totally new tack for the man Colin thought he had fairly sussed out.  He sighs softly, and rises to stand, wincing a little as his knees click.

“Bradley… I want to make this work.”

“Well, I don’t.”  The blonde’s tone is flat, unyielding, and Colin swallows a little at its harshness. 

“But-“

Bradley sighs, passing a hand over his face to massage his head, and for a moment Colin realises just how exhausted his friend looks.  His heart tugs a little, recognising the fault as being his own, and wishes he could do something.  “Just go, Colin.”

“Do me one favour.” He says softly, and Bradley raises a questioning eyebrow at him.

“Put the cleaning supplies away, yeah? And get some sleep?”  He knows he has no right to offer Bradley advice, and is half expecting something to be thrown at him, but all he gets is a tired sounding sigh.

“Okay. Fine.  _Now_ will you go?”

“Only if you do actually do those things.”

“I’ll make sure he does.”  Angel is back, leaning against the doorframe of Bradley’s room, and Colin glances over at her, wondering how much she’s heard.  She gives him a slight raise of the eyebrows, her arms crossed against her chest.  “Don’t worry.  I’ll stay with him.”  Bradley rolls his eyes a little and shakes his head, opening his mouth to speak, but Angel beats him to it.  “No such luck, Bradders.”

“ _Don’t_ call me that.”  The blonde snaps, but it is without any heat, and a lot more warmth than he has spoken to Colin with.  Angel simply gives a small smile in return, and turns her gaze to Colin.

“Go on, get out of here,” she offers softly.  Colin hesitates, and looks over at Bradley, who is just staring between them, still not quite looking 100% himself, but more back-to normal than before.

“Bradley?”  The man sighs, raising his eyes up to meet Colin’s.

“Yes?”

“I really _am_ sorry.”  Bradley’s eyes flit to Angel briefly before he returns his gaze back to Colin, and nods a little.  Refusing to see that as his only reaction, Colin steps forward. “I am sorry.” He enforces, stepping forward a bit.  “And… I want to make it up to you.  Somehow.  I want to prove to you we can work.”  Bradley swallows a little, and Colin meets his eyes.  “I love you, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He promises.  He is very tempted to kiss Bradley there and then, but Angel is there, and he’s given Bradley enough emotional garbage for now, so the Irishman steps back, gives a soft nod and begins to walk towards the door, ignoring Angel’s wide eyed-stare.

He is toeing on his shoes again in the living-room when there’s a shuffle of movement, and a soft voice. “Cols.”  He turns, eyes widening a little at the sight of such a broken Bradley before him.  Bradley has his arms hanging by his sides, looking totally and utterly lost.  Colin’s heart wrenches a little in his chest and he swallows, not quite understanding what Bradley wants.  “Colin… please.” The blonde murmurs, and in a moment Colin is crossed to his side, even as he watches Angel make her way towards the door.

“I’ll leave you two to it shall I?” she asks quietly, and Bradley raises his head and nods once at her.  Colin smiles, murmuring a soft thank-you, before hesitantly wrapping an arm around Bradley’s broad shoulders, relieved but a little concerned when the blonde leans into him, trembling slightly.  “Phone me.” Angel almost threatens, before turning and leaving the flat, closing the door behind her with a quiet click.

Bradley seems to sag a little in Colin’s arms as the door shuts, and the Irishman gently but firmly leads his friend and… whatever else Bradley is to him… to the spare bedroom, positive that Bradley’s own room will smell too heavily of disinfectant for the blonde to truly be able to relax there. 

 “Bradley?”  There is no response, and Colin’s worry notches up several steps. “Bradley?”  He nudges him gently.  “You still with me?”  Bradley’s eyes flutter open and he turns his head, giving Colin a tired, wary smile.

“Sorry…” he murmurs quietly.  “Col…” he hesitates, and then shakes his head.

But Colin is having none of it; “Yeah, Bradley?” 

“It can wait.”

“Bradley…” Colin sighs, but Bradley is already turning into the comfort of the bed.

“Please.” He whispers, his voice breaking a bit on the word.  Colin falls silent for a moment, and eventually nods, grabbing the nearby blanket and covering his friend with it.

“Alright Bradley, alright.”  He doesn’t quite dare to curl up next to Bradley, especially after everything.  He doesn’t deserve to, and he’s fairly certain Bradley wouldn’t’ let him anyway.   “Try to sleep, yeah?”

“You’ll stay?”  The question is so innocently put that it breaks Colin’s heart – just a little.

“Yeah, I’ll stay,” he assures, and watches as Bradley falls into an exhausted sleep, his features forming a soft frown as he starts to snore a little in his sleep.  As for himself, Colin is unable to sleep, but instead watches Bradley snoring, occasionally murmuring, in his sleep, and tries to figure out how the hell to sort out the mess he’s created.

**_Finis_ **

**Author’s N:** Thoughts and criticisms much appreciated.

**Quick Note:** I’m fairly certain Bradley James does not suffer from OCC.


End file.
